


The Sea's Lament

by inkwellveins (redlipstickkisses)



Series: Poems by Kai [24]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Desert, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting, Gen, Ice, Loss, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Trust, Metaphors, Moving, Physical Abuse, Questions, Snakes, Written for a Class
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipstickkisses/pseuds/inkwellveins
Summary: I was loved onceI’m sure of itThey loved me onceBut this isn’t love





	The Sea's Lament

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a play on my chosen name, Kai, which can mean sea or pier in the harbor. This is a very personal piece even though I wrote it for a class

There is a beauty to the desert

Harsh and sharp and misunderstood

Things do not thrive here, they do not flourish

They simply survive

 

They yell at me

Punish me for my spikes and my burning tongue

But in the desert, the soft do not survive

And they brought me here

They took me from my whispering trees and singing seas

 

They raised a rose

Why are they surprised by my thorns?

 

They try to beat the insolence out of me

Like stubborn dust from a rug

I cry and scream

And in the pain more spikes grow

 

I keep my back to the wall

This house is no longer home

They say it’s my fault

But what have I done?

 

A voice like thunder 

I can’t stop my flinch

I am a cornered snake

I know if I strike I’ll be punished for it

I hesitate

I am a mouse, hypnotized

 

I was loved once

I’m sure of it

They loved me once

But this isn’t love

 

Trust shattered with a handful of hair

A refusal to let go

 

My voice is silenced and my soul screams

They long for yesteryear and I reach for tomorrow

I long to leave this all far behind

Invisible wounds bleeding my soul dry

I am not who I was

They are not who I thought they were

 

Pain haunts me

An old adversary

By now can I call it a friend?

 

What have I lost?

Safety? Trust? Love? A home?

All of the above?

 

My friends say I’m brave and stubborn

That I’m good and don’t deserve to hurt

I’m terrified of stepping out of line

 

What do you do when you lose your independence?

How do you relearn how to live?

How do you learn to sing again?

How do you push back when all you can do is flinch?

How can you stand your ground when you feel like you’re about to be blown away?

 

I don’t want to fight

I don’t want to survive

I want to bloom

 

I want the voices in my head to take a break

To stop urging me to slice away at myself

I want the snow to melt

To let me rise from where I’ve been bent

 

I wish trust was like ice

For every crack

A new winter coming to refresh it

Instead, I’m left holding nothing but broken mirror glass


End file.
